Guess who's back, back again.

I enjoy taking a leave of absence from the blog world. Mainly b/c I forget I have a blog.

A couple of weeks a go I took the day off to go to the beach. I am typically not a beach girl, I enjoy the mountains more. But the california girl in me was randomly craving the beach and solitude. I grabbed some books, a towel, a chair and headed west. As I was at the beach, shivering slightly (its January....its chilly!) I began thinking about my next step in life. I journaled for awhile, walked up and down the beach, forced my feet to embrace the freezing water, and remained silent. I felt totally calm as I considered what this year may have in store for me. One of the more dominating reasons that I moved back to CA was because I was ready to start a family. No this isn't a blog saying I'm knocked up. Since I was a young teenager I have talked about adopting, and that was long before I found out that I probably wouldn't be able to have my own biological children.

So while at the beach I decided I will give myself 6 months. 6 months of just praying, researching, and reflecting what to do. After those 6 months, if I still have a peace about it, I will begin the foster/adopt process. Some people may think 6 months isn't very long to make a life time decision. True, but it hasn't been just 6 months for me, it has been years. Others may say how it is not conventional for a single woman to raise a child on their own. Well... I say it is not conventional for children to tossed around in foster care. I am not a very secure girl about most things in my life, but I am FULLY secure in knowing that I will be a rock star mom. Not perfect, not even stupid mary poppins was perfect, but I know I can do it.
Will I need help? Of course! This is why I am back in CA to be around my family, friends, support group.
Adoption consumes my daily thoughts, and even my dreams. Some times I can even invision my child. I have been doing so much research on this topic, and I have so much more to do. As any parents should do really.
June is going to be an exciting month.

the challenge of a life time

I'm in my room, watching the buffy musical (it exists people! Season 6 episode 7....AWESOME!) and I can't help but think....nothing has changed! I spent a year away, I grew so much as an individual, was challenged beyond my comfort zone. Now I am back in sunny CA. Watching netflix for far too long daily, not challenging myself with anything. What happened to the girl who went to the gym at 5:00am even when it was only in the single digits outside? Who was so active, going on hikes alone? Did I leave her 2 states away? I hope not.

So...I am ready for a drastic, dramatic, life altering change. ( I am saying that in the voice a info-mercial person would say it in). Interested in finding out what I will be doing? Well read on my friend.

I bought a scale (holy crap), I plan on weighing myself twice a day, morning and night. Than journal everything. I also joined "myfitnesspal.com" and track everything I eat, what I do for exercise, get the support I need. I am giving myself 6 months. 6 months to change my life forever. It takes 30 days to form a habit, 6 months better make it a normal day to day routine.

What am I up against? Well I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrom). I have the weakest metabolism EVER because of it, as well as a lot more issues because of the diagnosis. I learned while in WA that it is not impossible to lose weight but it is a lot more work. I also have picked up bad, lazy habits, and breaking out of any habit is hard.

So join me, support me, encourage me. I will be blogging my process as often as I can. The journey starts Monday. Wish me luck and strength!

Dancing through life.

Dancing through life, skating through life. It all sounds graceful. I am not at all graceful. I fall walking up stairs, walking down stairs, off my bike, on level pavement, walking, standing. I am pretty gifted at being clumsy. Though I don't want to be compared to a dumb fictional charactor who needs a vampire to keep her stable. I am grateful that I have not danced through life, or skated, or drifted. I have clumsly made my way these 28 years. I have fallen many times, taken tons of emotional tumbles, and though I have my scars and bruises I embrace it. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had not fallen as many times as I have, or made all the mistakes I had made. I assume it would be boring. I also assume I would not be funny. Because lets be honest, if you don't make mistakes you probably don't have a sense of humor. How can you laugh at yourself?

"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?" Yes I can find depth in Grey's Anatomy. I am focusing on being an adult now. Sure I have technically been an adult for 10 years, but now I'm settling in to the idea of it all. I am looking to buy a house, not right now, but it's why I am living at home. Trying to save up money. I am thinking of my kids, the ones I plan on adopting some day. Mortgage payments, baby proofing a house...why is it I am worrying about things that are no where near being in my grasp? Do I worry because I desperatly want them? Am I accepting being a grown up and just fully ready to jump in? "We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?" Amen Meredith Grey. Amen.

It's the start of something new.

Ok...here is the actual blog. Perhaps. I am ready to begin my blogging world again. I am ready to entertain, be entertained. I am ready to dive into my future plans, and take you along with me.

"Let's start from the very beginning, a very good place to start."

I am 28, pretty much always lived in California. Took a year off to live in central washington, where I was overwhelmed by the culture shock I experienced at first, but was so glad I did it. I made amazing friends there, proved to myself I am an independent woman. Thank you Beyonce for my new theme song. I enjoy talking to strangers, even if its just the brief "Hey, how's it going?" I believe I may be invincible, I haven't been proven wrong thus far. I have a weakness for purses, I feel you can never have enough. I doubt a person can ever grow tired of frozen yogurt. I enjoy judging homes, like on a bike ride I decide what I like or dislike about a house. One of the best feelings is laughing until you either cry, or vomit. I feel if you are driving and listening to music you should sing your heart out.

As Jerry springer would say "Be kind to yourself, and others"...or something like that.